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雅思(ielts)写作:雅思大作文9分范文分析

雅思(ielts)写作:雅思大作文9分范文分析
雅思(ielts)写作:雅思大作文9分范文分析

雅思(ielts)写作:雅思大作文9分范文分析

中国人写的雅思作文有结构但语言不够地道;nativespeaker写的文章够地道,但不够雅思!因此,市面上总找不到“完美”的雅思例文。

此次,我特别邀请我的美国朋友(同样研究和教授雅思)“按照我的要求”写了一些文章,这里逐一贴出来,让大家分享一下,呵呵。。。

Childrenwhogrowupinfamilieswhichareshortofmoneyarebetterpreparedt odealwiththeproblemsofadultlifethanchildrenwhoarebroughtupbywealthypa rents.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?

Somefeelthatthechildrenoflowincomefamiliesarebetterequippedtodeal withdifficultiesp osedbythe‘realworld’whentheygrowupandtheyalsobelie vetheprivilegedchildrenofwealthyfamiliesarelessfittodealwiththesediff iculties.Theimplicationsandveracityofthisargumentseemself-evident,but infactrequirecloserexamination.(58words)

点评:1+1’模式,最后1句为主题句。此段的主题句稍微有点特殊,它的确否定了前面所提到的观点,从而表达出了自己的观点,此外还引出了下文。特别是最后半句:butinfactrequirecloserexamination,感觉是在抛砖引玉。

Thepopularwisdomisthatchildrenofpoorerfamilieslearnearlyonthevalu eofabuck,andarethusnaturallybettersuitedtostretchingmoneywhentimesget toughinadulthood.Inversely,thechildrenofwealthyfamilies,thosebornwith asilverspoonintheirmouths,arebelievedtobecompletelyignorantofthevalue ofmoney,havinghadeverythingprovidedforthemintheiryouthandoftentimeser roneouslyexpectingthesamesituationinadulthood.Theyarebelievedtobepron etooverspendingandfinancialirresponsibility.Thisbelief,thoughlogical, overlooksonekeypointwhichis,ofcourse,education.(100words)点评:1’+3模式,第1句是主题句。请注意,从此段的内容来看,这是个让步段(即分析自己并不赞成的观点)。虽然4段论的作文的主体段是两面讨论,但是本人还是喜欢这样的写作,即主体段的观点还是有侧重的,把让步段放在前面,最后1句话引出下一段,这样过度地很自然,而且自己的观点也比较明确!

Thebasisofthisargumentis,ofcourse,knowingthevalueofmoney,andtheid eathatchildrenofthepoorknowthis,andthoseofthewealthydonot.Whothough,i sinabetterpositiontoteachtheirchildrenthevalueofmoney;someoneskilledi nearningandkeepingit,thewealthyparent,orsomeonewhocannotseemtoacquire it,thepoorparent?Bothwealthyandpoorchildrenareequallylikelytoacquirea

neducationinmoney,whetheritisformal,orintheschoolofhardknocks.Convers ely,bothchildrenareaslikelytoignorethiseducation.(101words)点评:这段的内容感觉写得不够直接,还是在分析对方观点的漏洞!请注意,前面让步段已经这么写过了,那么这一段是正面地论证自己的观点,这样从内容上来说更convincing一点!此外,需要说明的是,大家发现作者的内容还是有一定深度,但是这是要有一定的英语功底才行的!如果英语功底不行的话,建议内容不要写太深,因为那样容易造成考官看不懂你在说什么!

Apoorchildmaybelievethatonecangetalong,ifnotaseasily,withoutwealt h.Awealthychildmaybewelltrainedbyaparentsteepedintheknowledgeofmoneym anagement;thekeytodevelopingthisskilliseducation.

点评:最后一段有点像是提出解决这个问题的办法,即education.它没有像传统的结尾段那样简单的重申自己的观点。

总结之总结:

全文的观点有待揣摩,作者很明显是不赞成题目的说法,即Childrenwhogrowupinfamilieswhichareshortofmoneyarebetterpreparedtodea lwiththeproblemsofadultlifethanchildrenwhoarebroughtupbywealthyparent s.但是作者自己是更偏向穷人家的孩子呢,还是富人家的孩子呢?!根据文章来看,作者是中立,他所看重的是他们所接受的教育。Inotherwords,整篇文章又是一次中立的写法。在雅思考试中,这种写法经常使用,还是非常实用的,大家可以学习一下。此外,文章中有很多好词好句,特别是长句,值得模仿一下。

此文9分。

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