幽默的英语演讲稿
英语演讲幽默开场白
作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法
入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。
作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。当他
演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。
幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头
微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡 poise is when you
finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy
schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing
full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.
幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好
象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸
体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，
但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think
of the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m standing
up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really works.
i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes
幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常
紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。
personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire
myself for that.
幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我.
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
let me put this into plain english. i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.
幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学
一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only
one i know.
幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
making a speech is like watering a lawn. you’re satisfied if just a quarter of
it sinks in.
幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么开始前我想
告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2
台的节目。
before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the
game on channel 2.
幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一
直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，
所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？篇二：幽默英语演讲稿
幽默英语演讲稿
love your mother 爱你的母亲
why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?
你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈. because im a woman, she told him.
因为我是女人,她告诉他.
i dont understand, he said.
我不明白.他回答
his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........
妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.
后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say...... 所有的女人都会
常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的... the little boy grew up and
became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.
finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why
do women cry so easily?
最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......
上帝回答:
when i made woman,
i decided she had to be special.
i made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候,
我决定把她造的很特别,
我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,
却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...
i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection
even from her own children.
我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...
i gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...
i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.
even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell
a teenagers anxieties and fears....
我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时
候．．．
她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧
张与恐惧．．．
i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned
her from his rib to protect his heart....
我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保
护男人的心脏．．．
i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes
tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永
远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心．
for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed. it is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness.... when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good. 因为这些种种的困
难，
我也同样赐她流下眼泪，
这是当她在需要时可以使用的，
这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．
当你看到她哭泣的时候，
告诉她你有多么地爱她，
告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，
即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，
但你会使她的心里得到安慰．
she is special!
please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special
women in their lives.
她是独特的！
请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人．
but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing
a woman is.篇三：中英文幽默演讲
幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）
演讲者如何调侃自己
创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。
幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头
微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。
poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking
time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile
graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee
from breakfast.
幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好
象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸
体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，
但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think
of the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really
works. i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes.
幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have
never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.
幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
let me put this into plain english. i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.
幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学
一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only
one i know.
幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
making a speech is like watering a lawn. you’re satisfied if just a quarter of
it sinks in.
幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。
开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够
及时赶回家看2台的节目。
before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for
television. i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game
on channel 2.
幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一
直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，
所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？
有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！ some people
suffer from stage fright. i don’t. the stage doesn’t bother me at all. it’s the
audience that scares the hell out of me!
幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。
我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time
or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. i know if
i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.
because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table. 幽默注释：自己上台前
还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他
们的汽车那儿。
i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to
its feet. and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.
幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。
创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。
如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的
小孩儿喊叫除外。
if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. this is the first after-dinner
speech i’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s. 幽默注释：
自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。
创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。
我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目
——我。
i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience. the one thing that gives me
courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me.
幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。
人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我
告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注
视着我们。现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。
英语演讲稿幽默3分钟
英语演讲稿幽默3分钟 下面是小编为大家整理的英语演讲稿幽默3分钟，仅供大家进行参考。 范文【一】 Someone said we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite. I dont know who wrote these words, but Ive always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want it to be. We are all in the position of the farmers. If we plant a good seed ,we reap a good harvest. If we plant nothing at all, we harvest nothing at all. We are young. How to spend the youth? It is a meaningful question. To answer it, first I have to ask what do you understand by the word youth? Youth is not a time of life, its a state of mind. Its not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips or supple knees. Its the matter
of the will. Its the freshness of the deep spring of life. A poet said To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour. Several days ago, I had a chance to listen to a lecture. I learnt a lot there. Id like to share it with all of you. Lets show our right palms. We can see three lines that show how our love.career and life is. I have a short line of life. What about yours? I wondered whether we could see our future in this way. Well, lets make a fist. Where is our future? Where is our love, career, and life? Tell me.Yeah, it is in our hands. It is held in ourselves. We all want the future to be better than the past. But the future can go better itself. Dont cry because it is over, smile because it happened. From the past, weve learnt that the life is tough, but we are tougher. Weve learnt that we cant choose how we feel, but we can choose what about it. Failure doesnt mean you dont have it,
大学英语演讲稿1分钟(共7篇)
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三分钟励志英语演讲稿带翻译
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