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2019年GRE考试写作经典范文赏析(二)

2019年GRE考试写作经典范文赏析(二)
2019年GRE考试写作经典范文赏析(二)

2019年GRE考试写作经典范文赏析(二)

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

The speaker contends that technology's primary goal should be to increase our efficiency for the purpose of affording us more leisure time. I concede that technology has enhanced our efficiency as we go about our everyday lives. Productivity software helps us plan and coordinate projects; intranets, the Internet, and satellite technology make us more efficient messengers; and technology even helps us prepare our food and access entertainment more efficiently. Beyond this concession, however, I find the speaker's contention indefensible from both an empirical and a normative standpoint.

注意这种新结构:使用了大量的事实作出对原文观点的让步性同意,但是在最后还是有所创新的提出自己的读到见解。这种开头给人一种很爽的感觉——have forcibly posed your viewpoints.让我们记住:The speaker contends that……I concede that……Beyond this concession, however, I find the speaker's contention indefensible from both an empirical and a normative standpoint.

The chief reason for my disaGREement lies in the empirical proof: with technological advancement comes diminished leisure time. In 1960 the average U.S. family included only one breadwinner, who worked just over 40 hours per week. Since then the average work week has increased

steadily to nearly 60 hours today; and in most families there are now two breadwinners. What explains this decline in

leisure despite increasing efficiency that new technologies have brought about? I contend that technology itself is the culprit behind the decline. We use the additional free time that technology affords us not for leisure but rather for work. As computer technology enables greater and greater

office productivity it also raises our employers' expectations——or demands——for production. Further technological advances breed still greater efficiency and, in turn, expectations. Our spiraling work load is only exacerbated by the competitive business environment in which nearly all of us work today. Moreover, every technological advance demands our time and attention insgroupsto learn how

to use the new technology. Time devoted to keeping pace with technology depletes time for leisure activities.

精华:注意breed的含意:generate, bring in能够说,这就是自己的见解,这就是the power ofshavingsbeen thinking。作者一反常规,提出advanced technology在给人类带来这样那样的方便的同时,反而在蚕食人的time and energy。

I disagree with the speaker for another reason as well:the suggestion that technology's chief goal should be to facilitate leisure is simply wrongheaded. There are far more vital concerns that technology can and should address. Advances in bio-technology can help cure and prevent diseases; advances in medical technology can allow for safer, less invasive diagnosis and treatment; advances in genetics can

help prevent birth defects; advances in engineering and chemistry can improve the structural integrity of our buildings, roads, bridges and vehicles; information

technology enables education while communication technology facilitates global participation in the democratic process. In short, health, safety, education, and freedom——and not leisure——are the proper final objectives of technology. Admittedly, advances in these areas sometimes involve improved efficiency; yet efficiency is merely a means to these more important ends.

确实精彩!读者也会不得不承认technology has resulted in short, health, safety, education, and freedom——and not leisure, the final destination.

In sum, I find indefensible the speaker's suggestion that technology's value lies chiefly in the efficiency and resulting leisure time it can afford us. The suggestion runs contrary to the overwhelming evidence that technology diminishes leisure time, and it wrongly places leisure ahead of goals such as health, safety, education, and freedom as technology's ultimate aims.

精华:……value lies chiefly in……The suggestion runs contrary to the overwhelming evidence that……and it wrongly places……ahead of

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新GRE 北美范文精析 Argument 12 范文精析

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36 Governments should not fund any scientific research whose consequences are unclear. I agree with the speaker's broad assertion that money spent on research is generally money well invested. However, the speaker unnecessarily extends this broad assertion to embrace research whose results are "controversial," while ignoring certain compelling reasons why some types of research might be unjustifiable. My points of contention with the speaker involves the fundamental objectives and nature of research, as discussed below. I concede that the speaker is on the correct philosophical side of this issue. After all, research is the exploration of the unknown for true answers to our questions, and for lasting solutions to our enduring problems. Research is also the chief means by which we humans attempt to satisfy our insatiable appetite for knowledge, and our craving to understand ourselves and the world around us. Yet, in the very notion of research also lies my first point of contention with the speaker, who illogically presumes that we can know the results of research before we invest in it. To the contrary, if research is to be of any value it must explore uncharted and unpredictable territory. In fact, query whether research whose benefits are immediate and predictable can break any new ground, or whether it can be considered "research" at all. While we must invest in research irrespective of whether the results might be controversial, at the same time we should be circumspect about research whose objectives are too vague and whose potential benefits are too speculative. After all, expensive research always carries significant opportunity costs--in terms of how the money might be spent toward addressing society's more immediate problems that do not require research. One apt illustration of this point involves the so-called "Star Wars" defense initiative, championed by the Reagan administration during the 1980s. In retrospect, this initiative was ill-conceived and largely a waste of taxpayer dollars; and few would dispute that the exorbitant amount of money devoted to the initiative could have gone a long way toward addressing pressing social problems of the day--by establishing after-school programs for delinquent latchkey kids, by enhancing AIDS awareness and education, and so forth. As it turns out, at the end of the Star Wars debacle we were left with rampant gang violence, an AIDS epidemic, and an unprecedented federal budget deficit. The speaker's assertion is troubling in two other aspects as well. First, no amount of research can completely solve the enduring problem of war, poverty, and violence, for the reason that they stem from certain aspects of human nature--such as aggression and greed. Although human genome research might eventually enable us to engineer away those undesirable aspects of our nature, in the meantime it is up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, and jurists--not our research laboratories--to mitigate these problems. Secondly, for every new research breakthrough that helps reduce human suffering is another that serves primarily to add to that suffering. For example, while some might argue that physics researchers who harnessed the power of the atom have provided us with an alternative source of energy and invaluable "peace-keepers," this argument flies in the face of the hundreds of thousands of innocent people murdered and maimed by atomic blasts, and by nuclear meltdowns. And, in fulfilling the promise of "better living through chemistry" research has given us chemical weapons for human slaughter. In short, so-called "advances" that scientific research has brought about often amount to net losses for humanity. In sum, the speaker's assertion that we should invest in research whose results are 整体评价: 1. 文章整理的论述比较通畅 2. 但是这篇文章的结构存在一些瑕疵,如开头段过长,涵盖了过多的细节,容易和后面的内容雷同 money well invested 用的 很好,很地道这里的论述有些过于细 致,可以放到让步段去详细解释 ing 用词很地道 这段话的精髓就是后面 例子的列举,有效地 证明了盲目投入的 恶果这段话是想说明不要不急后果的投入,中心句可以说的更直白 一点 Ignoring reasonable speculation of research will impede social progress, even bringing more social issues. 这个as well 用的不好,前后内容不是并列的 这段内容说的有些笼统 虽然两个点都有所 涉及,但是没有说 明白第一,这个可以说实验 的结论不完全取决于实验本身 第二,这个可以说下定义,解释说明实验的影 响对不同的人群有不同的影响not 这里少了一个重要的否定词 大家要注意,我们对题目内容的改写一定要准确

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