英语搞笑短剧role play荆轲刺秦王

荆轲刺秦王

很久很久以前中国战国时代，有两个国家的王子------ -燕国的白哥和秦国的嬴政，他们是很好的朋友，他们经常一起赏花，喝酒，唱歌，游玩。有一天，他们还在游山玩水的时候，突然发现了一面镜子，一面有着神奇魔力的镜子，这是一面可以回答任何问题的魔镜。于是，白哥和嬴政迫不及待的凑了上去。

白哥（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：魔镜啊魔镜，我帅么？

魔镜说：“当然了我的殿下，你是整个燕国最帅的人”

白哥高兴状

然后，张璐上，问：魔镜啊魔镜，告诉我，那谁是这个世界上最帅的人呢？Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (魔镜：It’s you)张璐做极度嚣张状。

对白哥说：“小弟啊，拿着这个镜子，自卑去吧，我是这个世界上最帅的人啊，啊哈哈啊哈........

白哥回到宫中

“欺人太甚了，太过分了，我要报复！！！！我的仆人，你在哪里？”

仆人上

“哦，亲爱的，我来了Honey, I am coming。”

白哥：“错，我应经告诉你多少遍了，你应该叫我最漂亮，最美丽，最英俊，最迷人，最可爱，最聪明和最亲爱的太子丹。I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

仆人：“对不起，亲爱的，我知道错了，我完全知道你现在的苦恼，我有一个好主意，那就是~找一个英雄杀了嬴政！”I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~

（作杀状）

白哥：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍仆人肩膀，做赞许状）好主意，可是谁是好的人选呢？Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

仆人：经调查，有两个人比较合适，一个是李莫愁小姐，一个是荆轲，明天他们将为谁是天下第一杀手而决斗。After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

白哥：“太好了，赶快让我看看胜利者，行么？”Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

仆人：“好的，开拍Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?你想挑战我么？

荆轲Of course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状李莫愁：“发生了什么，为什么你不受伤？What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?”

荆轲：“你根本就不懂的什么是剑，哎独孤求败啊….ai….. In solitude I seek for defeat..

李莫愁：“Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.（阿甘正传台词）

荆轲再次大笑

白哥上（抱拳）：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

白哥：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯：Sure!

白哥：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

白哥晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

白哥：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?

荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

To be or not to be, that's a question.

白哥：“哇哦，如此的富有诗意，不愧是大侠。”

仆人：Hero，we need your help.

荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.

荆柯：I am very busy now!

仆人：IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯：I am very very busy now!

仆人(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love! 仆人：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

仆人：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM。

白哥：我必须使出我的王牌了，这就是立顿减肥茶，中国联合利华驰名商标。I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.

荆柯（激动）：减肥茶，哦这是我梦见了数千次的东西，我的妻子一直威胁我，如果我不减肥就要离开我。Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.

白哥：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……（大话西游台词）（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与仆人跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，仆人做呕吐状。然后荆轲与白哥跳伦巴，最后白哥摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.

白哥：真的？

荆轲：真的，亲爱的。

太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

（《大话西游》主题曲响起

荆珂挽着妻子，白哥,仆人在后.

仆人：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

白哥：I will miss you, baby.

（白哥，仆人下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.

妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!你对我来说比世界上的任何事情都重要。（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.

荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack 对Rose的倾诉）.

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “

妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，

荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……今天是个送死的好日子的，别回来啊别回来…….

妻子(掏出手机拨号，仆人接手机)：Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance（人寿保险）$1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.

仆人：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

The End

荆轲刺秦王英语搞笑剧本

荆轲刺秦王英语搞笑剧本 The man wants to kill the king 旁白：It was war periods time, the war among different countries seemed endless. Every kings or ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes. As time goes by, it was becoming a fashion to feed so me good men at home…… This is a crazy world. In the crazy world, there are the crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by the crazy way. 第一幕：Conspire(密谋) 太子丹（上，叹气）：Ying Zheng,that bad guy,treats me even worse than before.Resorts to lots of persons in his hand,he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince under the sun.Recently,he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live if these things happen again(急)。Hey!! I must think out a good idea. I must make him know who I am.(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? (大臣阿三上)Indeed, tell me what shall we do now? 阿三：（毕恭毕敬）Just keep calm,please!Let me see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）（旁外音：当当当，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok,I get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qing is ours~~~ （淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状. 太子：Ha, ha~~~. Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent? 阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue .He is traveling in our country these days. I think we can’t lose the chance. We must employ him quickly. 太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible. 第二幕：tournament (比武) 西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，一条纸带随风而下） 西门吹雪 （Xi Men Chui Xue） 身高：190cm Height: 190cm 最爱干的事情：聊qq Favorite doing: chatting 战斗力：无限War power: endless 最爱的颜色：黑色Favorite color: black 武器：长剑Weaponry: long sword 最爱喝的饮料：啤酒Favorite drinks: beer 血型：O Type of blood: O 最崇拜的人：小燕子，****** Favorite idol: Xiao Yanzi Mao Zedong Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy. Stand out. 荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。 旁白：Competition begins. 荆轲（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue? 西门吹雪：Just come on. 荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story? 西门吹雪：（不耐烦）what a boring man! How dare you ask me such a stupid question?

搞笑英语话剧剧本.1doc

搞笑英语话剧剧本《荆珂刺秦王》旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword 搞笑英语话剧剧本《荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman 剑客and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth. Action I 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming. 太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”! 阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状） 太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

荆轲刺秦王 课本剧 剧本

演员：太子丹秦王荆轲樊将军高渐离秦舞阳三（记者）众侍卫导演兼旁白 剧情：黑板上由导演按时写上“幕名ing”。 导演（上）：大家好！祝大家十一以及之后的月考快乐！哈！我就是咱剧组大导演兼荆轲牌匕首的代言人是也。本剧演员均为铜鸡奖提名未得奖演员，档期排了很久的呢！接下来就请大家欣赏他们的表演！ 第一幕设谋 【幕启。荆轲正在家中练武，太子丹在台下喊“荆轲---”急匆匆上】 荆轲:（停止练武，恭敬地点头致意）太子早上好！ 太子丹（十分焦急地）:好啥子好？秦国已经占领了赵国的都城邯郸，快要打到我们燕国了。我们根本不是秦国的对手啊！ 荆轲:太子您有什么高见啊？ 太子丹:我想派你打扮成使者去见秦王，接近秦王身边，逼他退还诸侯的土地。不答应就把他刺死！你看行不行？ 荆轲:您就是不说我也准备采取行动了，但要接近秦王身边，总不能空着手去啊，要让他们相信我们是求和的。听说秦王最想得到我们燕国最肥沃的土地督亢，并且重金求秦国叛逃到我国的将军樊於期首级。如果我能把督亢的地图和樊将军的头献给秦王，他一定会接见我。这样，我就可以刺杀他了。 太子丹:（为难地）督亢的地图好办；樊将军受秦国迫害来投奔我，我下不来这个手啊！（双手摊开，两人下台） 第二幕自刎 【幕启。樊於期正在偷菜，荆轲上】 樊於期：哇，升级了！ 荆轲:慢着，樊将军，我有件重要的事儿和你商量。 樊於期:您请讲。 荆轲:我有一个主意，能帮助燕国解除祸患，还能替将军你报仇，可就是说不出口啊！ 樊於期:什么主意，你快说啊。 荆轲:我决定去行刺秦王，就怕见不到他的面。你也知道现在秦王正在悬赏通缉你，我若能够带着你的头颅去献给他…… 樊於期:（伸出手掌打断）i know,i know（悲伤又慷慨地握住手腕拊住胸口走上前）这是让我日夜的痛心的事，到现在才能够听说！我的密码是12345，记得以后帮我偷菜” （停顿几秒，提剑自刎） 【太子丹赶到】 扶尸痛苦道，“将军，我对不起你呀！拜托你的冤魂别来找我，我也不想这样子啊！来人，你以后去机房工作，专为樊将军偷菜。 第三幕怀疑 【幕启。 （第一天）“哎，他怎么还没来？我等到花儿都谢了。”荆轲踱步叹息。 （第二天） （第N天） 太子丹走来说：“时间不早了，您难道不想去吗？那我就先打发秦武阳动身了！”

搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》 搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》 演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿 旁白 道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。 第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠 旁白：Aquietvillageiscoveredwithwhitesnow. Birdsaredancinginthecold. Amaniswalkingalongthestreet,stepbystep. Windiscominginsilence. Anothermysteriousmanapproaches. Y与X相遇． X：oH,Iamsorrytoknockyou! Y:,Nevermindbaby. X:Excuseme，whoareyouonearthCouldyoutellmeyourname？ Y:,Iwon’tchangemyname!’mthemostfamous——？ X:Iamximenchuixue. Y惊讶:Ar,ximenchuixuethebestMartialArts？ X:Great,youknowme!Todayisyourdeaddate! Y抱腿：Please,please……Don’tkillme!Letmego! X:No,Imustkillyou! Y:I don’! X:Noway!Becausewearefightingnow!youknow？ Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’tforceme!

X:Pardon! (Y拿出一袋牛奶) X抢过牛奶:milk,verygood!？ Y:pleasedrinkit! X喝完牛奶:Thanks, Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme？ X:Sure,must!Milkismilk. Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood!verygood!Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!？ X:I’msureIwon’t! Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfI don’tbeatyout histime,you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1! X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach! Y大笑：HaHa……themilkisexceedthetimelimit （一人路过，x起身跑过去） X可怜状:excuseme!Help,help,Whereisthewashroomplease,tellme. Y:Oh,Isee,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad! X:Thanks,byebye. Y:byebye(以胜利者的语气，转头,看见花满楼) Y:Whoareyou？ H:Hua—man—-lou!Haveyouseenximenchuixue？ Y:Yes,hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC”. H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld! Y:Youareright! H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor!doyouwantjoininusIfyoufollowmyking,hewillgive whatyouwant. Y:Yes,It’sverygood. H:Ok,followme,Let’sgotoseemy king!

荆轲刺秦王剧本

荆轲刺秦王 时间：战国。 地点：燕都蓟，秦都咸阳。 人物： 荆轲、嬴政、太子丹、高渐离、樊於期、秦舞阳、蒙嘉、夏无且 第一幕 （旁白：秦国猛将王翦攻破赵国，俘虏了赵王，将赵国领土全部纳入秦国版图。然后又向北进军，直逼燕国南部边界。）(同时，王翦正一脚踩赵王身上，然后抬头很狂地看着太子丹) 燕国太子丹恐惧（丹来回踱步，神色焦急），于是请来荆轲（荆轲上），说：秦兵早晚会渡过易水，这样的话，燕国不保啊！ 荆轲：就算太子没有说这些话，臣也是要自请行动的。而现在行动的话，没有什么信物，是无法接近秦王的。但是眼下，秦王以千斤金万家邑悬赏樊将军的人头。如果得到樊将军的人头和燕国督亢一带的地图，献于秦王，秦王必定会很高兴接见臣，然后。。。（笑） 太子：你的意思是？ 荆轲：（很邪恶一笑，手中拿出一张牌:杀）杀！ 太子：樊将军陷入困境而投奔燕国，丹不忍心以一己之私利辜负了长者的情意，希望你重新考虑一下吧。（拜） 第二幕 （旁白：荆轲知道太子心软，于是私下里单独去见了樊於期。） （樊於期在房中，荆轲上。）（与旁白同步） 荆轲：秦国对将军实在残忍，杀将军全家，购将军人头，将军您咋办？ 樊於期（很重很重一叹）：我每次想到这些，痛都深入骨髓，不知。。奈何！（做思考着状，然后慢慢抬头）（注意表情） 荆轲：现在有个办法可以解决燕国的困境，又可以报将军的深仇，您觉得怎么样？ 樊於期（瞪眼，疾步走上前去，一掌拍过去）：啥？ 荆轲：若得到将军的首级进献给秦王，秦王必定高兴而宣见我。我就用左手抓他袖，右手裖他胸，然后将军的仇也报了，燕国被羞辱的耻辱也没了，将军觉得怎么样？（说完后再把那个抓修刺胸的动作很夸张的来一遍） 樊於期（头一甩，很潇洒）：大爷的我天天在想这件事！小子，说的好！（刎颈自杀特技）（旁白：太子丹听说了这件事，立刻赶了过去。） 太子丹（与上面的旁白同步，冲进房间，看到地上的尸体，趴在上面，痛哭失声直到下面的旁白结束）：将军！ （旁白：事情已经发生，太子丹无可奈何，于是吩咐安放好樊於期的头颅，用匣子装好。） 第三幕 （旁白：太子丹预先征集世上最锋利的匕首，得到了赵国徐夫人的匕首，用一百金将它买了下来，让工匠用毒药淬炼。用此匕首试人的时候，鲜血渗透衣服，没有不立即死去的。）（与上面旁白同步：龙套用刀试几个人，死法各异） （旁白：燕国有一勇士名叫秦武阳，十三岁就杀了人，人们都不敢与他对视。于是太子丹令秦武阳做荆轲的副手。） （与上面的旁白同步：1.秦舞阳很狂地抱胸，眼神吓人来个龙套被吓着。2.太子丹端坐于大殿中，秦武阳单膝跪地接受命令。）

荆轲刺秦王(英文版)话剧

The man wants to kill the king 旁白：Long, long ago , it was Warring States Period, the war among different countries seemed endless. Every king or minister tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes. As time went by, it was becoming a fashion to feed some good men at home…… This is a crazy world. In the crazy world, there are the crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by the crazy way. 第一幕：Conspire(密谋) 太子丹:(上，叹气）Ying Zheng, that bad guy, treats me even worse than before. Resorts to lots of persons in his hand, he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince under the sun. Recently, he has got much more cities from my hands. How can I live if these things happen again(急)。Hey!! I must think out a good idea. I must make him know who I am. (向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? (大臣阿三上)Indeed, tell me what shall we do now? 阿三:（毕恭毕敬）Just keep calm, please! Let me see! （盘坐在地,两手在头上画画如一休）（旁外音：当当当，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok, I get one, we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties, jewelries and cities in Qing is ours~~~ （淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状. 太子：Ha, ha~~~. Good idea, Good idea! But do you think who we can sent? 阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue. He is traveling in our country these days. I think we can’t lose the chance. We must employ him quickly. 太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible. 第二幕：tournament (比武) 西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，一条纸带随风而下） 西门吹雪（Xi Men Chui Xue） Height: 190cm Favorite doing: chatting War power: endless

英语搞笑话剧剧本(四人)

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome. 乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞 吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观 众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆状), 乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok? 甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

英语搞笑话剧剧本

英语搞笑话剧剧本-A Story about Love and Stinky Feet 从前，一个巫婆有一双臭脚，人们都很讨厌。所以，她想找一个人换掉她的双脚。 有一天她来到"香国" 。她发现，人人都有双香脚。一天王子午睡，巫婆用自己的臭脚换了王子的香脚。 有一位公主，她总是失眠。虽然国王和王后在尝试了很多方法，她还不能睡觉。国王和王后陛下非常担心自己的女儿。 最后，他们就发现了一个方法：每当公主无法入睡，她只需要嗅觉王子的臭脚，然后她将睡得很好。 最后王子和公主很幸福的生活在一起。 人物 Ada: Little girl Candy: Queen Evander: King Evelyn Joel: Prince Rita: Singer /Woman Yilina: Witch Summary Once upon a time…A witch had a pair of stinky feet. They were very disgusting. So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet. And one day she flied to “Fragrance Country”. She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet. And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet. The prince took a nap and snored under the tree. At that time, the witch exchanged her own stinky feet with the prince’s fragrant feet. There was a princess who couldn’t sleep in “Beauty Country”. Although the king and the queen tried many methods, she still couldn’t sleep. The king and the queen were very worried about their daughter.

荆轲刺秦王剧本

荆轲刺秦王剧本集团标准化办公室：[VV986T-J682P28-JP266L8-68PNN]

荆轲刺秦王 时间：战国。 地点：燕都蓟，秦都咸阳。 人物：荆轲、嬴政、太子丹、高渐离、樊於期、秦舞阳、蒙嘉、夏无且 第一幕 （旁白：秦国猛将王翦攻破赵国，俘虏了赵王，将赵国领土全部纳入秦国版图。然后又向北进军，直逼燕国南部边界。）(同时，王翦正一脚踩赵王身上，然后抬头很狂地看着太子丹) 燕国太子丹恐惧（丹来回踱步，神色焦急），于是请来荆轲（荆轲上），说：秦兵早晚会渡过易水，这样的话，燕国不保啊！ 荆轲：就算太子没有说这些话，臣也是要自请行动的。而现在行动的话，没有什么信物，是无法接近秦王的。但是眼下，秦王以千斤金万家邑悬赏樊将军的人头。如果得到樊将军的人头和燕国督亢一带的地图，献于秦王，秦王必定会很高兴接见臣，然后。。。（笑） 太子：你的意思是？ 荆轲：（很邪恶一笑，手中拿出一张牌:杀）杀！ 太子：樊将军陷入困境而投奔燕国，丹不忍心以一己之私利辜负了长者的情意，希望你重新考虑一下吧。（拜） 第二幕 （旁白：荆轲知道太子心软，于是私下里单独去见了樊於期。） （樊於期在房中，荆轲上。）（与旁白同步） 荆轲：秦国对将军实在残忍，杀将军全家，购将军人头，将军您咋办？ 樊於期（很重很重一叹）：我每次想到这些，痛都深入骨髓，不知。。奈何！（做思考着状，然后慢慢抬头）（注意表情） 荆轲：现在有个办法可以解决燕国的困境，又可以报将军的深仇，您觉得怎么样？ 樊於期（瞪眼，疾步走上前去，一掌拍过去）：啥？ 荆轲：若得到将军的首级进献给秦王，秦王必定高兴而宣见我。我就用左手抓他袖，右手裖他胸，然后将军的仇也报了，燕国被羞辱的耻辱也没了，将军觉得怎么样？（说完后再把那个抓修刺胸的动作很夸张的来一遍） 樊於期（头一甩，很潇洒）：大爷的我天天在想这件事！小子，说的好！（刎颈自杀特技）（旁白：太子丹听说了这件事，立刻赶了过去。） 太子丹（与上面的旁白同步，冲进房间，看到地上的尸体，趴在上面，痛哭失声直到下面的旁白结束）：将军！ （旁白：事情已经发生，太子丹无可奈何，于是吩咐安放好樊於期的头颅，用匣子装好。） 第三幕 （旁白：太子丹预先征集世上最锋利的匕首，得到了赵国徐夫人的匕首，用一百金将它买了下来，让工匠用毒药淬炼。用此匕首试人的时候，鲜血渗透衣服，没有不立即死去的。） （与上面旁白同步：龙套用刀试几个人，死法各异） （旁白：燕国有一勇士名叫秦武阳，十三岁就杀了人，人们都不敢与他对视。于是太子丹令秦武阳做荆轲的副手。） （与上面的旁白同步：1.秦舞阳很狂地抱胸，眼神吓人来个龙套被吓着。2.太子丹端坐于大殿中，秦武阳单膝跪地接受命令。） （旁白：荆轲在等人，想要同他一起去，但因为此人住得太远，很久都还没到。太子丹认为他在推迟，怀疑他有所迟疑，于是再一次请他。） 太子丹：日子已经不多了，荆卿还有意去刺杀吗？我想先派遣秦武阳去。

荆轲刺秦王(搞笑英语小话剧,英语及翻译)

《荆珂刺秦王》 旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth. 很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家有一些疯狂的人，试图用疯狂的方式展示疯狂的历史。荆轲是最有名的剑客并被派去杀清王，嬴政。但最后他失败了。你想知道当时发生了什么事？好吧，下面将会告诉你真相。 Action I 太子丹：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!) Thank u mirror! I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? Where is my minister? 镜子，镜子，告诉我，这个世界上最漂亮的人是谁？(画外音：是你，太子丹！)谢谢你的镜子！我是太子丹，魔镜说我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一个嫉妒的家伙，我觉得如果镜子告诉他真相他会杀了我。我很害怕。我该怎么办呢？我大臣在哪里？ 阿三: Honey, I am coming. 亲爱的，我来了。 太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”! 我告诉过你一次又一次，你应该叫我“我最美丽的、优雅、英俊、迷人、可爱、聪明和最亲爱的太子丹”！ 阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~ 当然，亲爱的！我有一个好主意。我们可以找一个英雄去杀嬴政~ 太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent! Good idea! But who is the right candidate? 欧耶！二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但谁是合适的人选？ 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world. 经过筛选后我手上有两个有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一个是荆轲先生。明天他们将PK为世界头号杀手。 太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 好的，给我尽快得主，好吗？

搞笑英语话剧剧本5-7人--心碎

Heart broken Billing： XiMenchuixue YeGucheng HuaManlou King PanJinlian Narratage/soldier N：A quiet village is covered with white snow. Birds are dancing in the cold. A man is standing in the street. The wind is coming in silence. Another mysterious man approaches . Y与X相遇． Y: Oh , I am sorry to knock into you ! X: Ha ha , Never mind, boy. What’s your name? Y: Ha ha , I won’t change my name, no matter what happens. I’m the most famous-------YeGucheng. Who are you? X: I am XiMenchuixue. Y:Ah??? XiMenchuixue? X: Yes, what’s wrong? Y: I heard that you are the best one in Chinese Kongfu. X: Great, you know me ! Y: But your wife is my first lover. X: What??? Y抱腿: Oh, Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go! X:No, I must kill you ! Y: I don't want to be killed. There is an eighty-year-old mother and a three-year-old son to be looked after by me! X: Noway! Because we are enemies now! You know? Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me! X: 拔刀砍向Y (Y拿出一袋牛奶迎上去) X抢过牛奶: Milk, very good! I like drinking it. How do you know that? Y: Just drink it! X喝完牛奶: Thanks, ha ha. Y: Do you still want to kill me? X: Sure! Milk is milk. Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very nice! I hope you won’t forget what you said!? X:I’m sure I won’t! Y: I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly!3-2-1-0! X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach, Oach !

《荆轲刺秦王》搞笑版

《荆轲刺秦王》搞笑版 人物（初步设定，按出场顺序）： 旁白 燕 燕国樊於期 荆轲 徐夫人（男） 高渐离（男） 秦王宠臣 下人 秦王政 第一幕燕国大难将至 （旁白：“历史背景：秦将破赵，虏，尽收其地，进兵北略地，至界。燕国大难将至，举国上下陷入混乱。第一幕，太子丹找来樊於期商量对策。”） 樊於期：“大王，微臣惶恐，自从秦氏房地产将赵氏万科收购后，实力大增，已经将咱们燕南界那块地买下来了，恐怕很快就要威胁到我们燕氏集团了，您一定要想想有什么应对之法啊。” 太子丹来回踱步，焦虑状：“秦王真是欺人太甚，之前每次说要请客吃饭都是我付的钱也就算了，现在直接把马桶按到我头上来啦！哼，你占我地，我要你命！来人呐，把荆轲叫来。” 荆轲上：“大王，您call我啊” 太子丹：“荆轲，现寡人有一重任要托付于你，普天之下，恐怕只有你能胜任。帮我把秦王。。坷！” 荆轲：“坷” 太子丹：“拿依做掉（上海话讲）”

荆轲吓得跪地说：“哇，老大，这么危险的任务还是让猎头部去吧，我其实不是什么特种兵，我是个杀猪的。。。” 太子丹：“哦，原来如此啊，那我看你申请的那个员工住房和公积金，还有今年的年终分红问题，我得找李锦涛好好商量商量啊，哦，对了，还有，夏主任上次飞鸽传书给我，说你老婆在人才市场好像干的不踏实啊。。。” 荆轲：“禀大王，微臣刚才认真的想过了，时下正值燕氏集团的生死关头，这项任务我是当仁不让的。此次刺杀行动自当竭尽全力，万死不辞！” 太子丹：“好！好！荆卿果然是忠君爱国，侠骨丹心呐！” 荆轲：“可是大王，我这身子骨好久不练啦，怎么着也得配一副紫菱冠、玄武甲、青龙胯、登云靴、鱼肠剑、赤兔马和50名随从吧。” 太子丹：“我听说你儿子的幼儿园好像近期要分班了吧” 荆轲退步：“大王，荆轲只需一件利器即可。” 太子丹：“这个可以有！可是，到哪里去寻这件刺杀的利器呢” 樊於期：“太子，我知道有一人有这样一件宝贝，取之百金，使工以药淬之。以试人，血濡缕，人无不立死者。” 荆轲：“你是指。。。徐夫人的那把“玄铁匕首” 樊於期：“哈哈，正是。” 太子丹：“速速取来！” （旁白：樊於期找到徐夫人，说明了来意，问其借匕首） 徐夫人大方的表示：“借，当然要借，这可是国之大事，倘若这把匕首真能派上用场，那也是我徐家木业，额，不是，徐家兵业的光荣啊。” 樊於期激动说道：“徐夫人，当真” 徐夫人点头，樊於期上前握住徐夫人的手，激动的说：“党和人民会感谢你的！”徐夫人不以为然的说：“应该的应该的。反正是淘宝上买的，不值几个钱。”樊於期顿时尴尬：“淘。。淘宝。。。呦，您也淘宝，够时尚的啊！额。不是。那这匕首。。。”

荆轲刺秦王外传话剧剧本

荆轲刺秦王外传话剧剧本 道具：眼罩一个、木剑一把、桌子一张、凳子若干、匕首一支、德芙巧克力一盒、王冠两顶、镜子一面、号码牌若干、双截棍一对、藏宝图一张、皇榜、服装若干套 正文： 独白：公元前227年，秦国有位年轻有为的秦王，赵国则有一位太子丹。传闻太子丹是天下第一美男子，一天太子丹又向其魔镜询问一个他每天都会问的问题，故事由此展开。 第一场（谁是天下第一美男子） 独白：鸡啼三声，赵国太子丹又“闻鸡起舞”，只见他正在那边“Nobody,nobody but you”，瞧他那姿态果然窈窕啊，那个叫要什么有什么啊！你没有的他也有哦。哈哈，别误会，这句话是说他有“天下第一魔镜”而你没有哦。 太子丹：（闻鸡起舞完以后对着镜子梳洗打扮，而后手续完毕对着镜子一眨眼）Mirror,mirror on the wall .Who is the most beautiful person in the world? Mirror:秦王。 太子丹：（勃然大怒，用不纯正的英语口音大声说）Again!! Mirror:(颤抖着声音，蜷缩着身子说）秦国秦王。 太子丹：（顿时怒发冲冠，大吼道）这该如何是好啊。哼，本太子才是天下第一美男子，你个秦王，我嘞个去！魔镜，说，为什么他会是天下第一美男子呢？说，到底是为什么？他竟是天下第一，你号称是什么”天下第一魔镜“，竟眼睁睁地看着秦王夺去本太子的美称，本太子要你这魔镜何用？（说完，作势要扔魔镜） Mirror:（害怕的）太子饶命，传说是因为有人向秦王进贡了一盒“德芙巧克力”，（进一段广告）： 德芙巧克力，如丝般柔滑，挑逗你的舌根，让你肌肤胜雪，越来越年轻。 Mirror:（广告结束，魔镜接着说）德芙巧克力，日服一颗，以开水配之，可养眼美容也，每服一颗，可使人年轻十岁，是稀世珍宝也！（说完，魔镜也献出羡慕的表情，更重要的是口水流个不停） 太子丹：（一个巴掌甩歪了魔镜的头）那要怎样才能拿到德芙巧克力呢？（捏着魔镜的耳朵） Mirror:（作沉思状，突然眼睛一亮）有了，赵国人才济济，太子何不广招天下英才，选一武功盖世之人，派他以献藏宝图为名，干掉秦王呢！！ 太子丹闻言大悦，奸笑，唱闽南语歌曲《我是世界第一等》退下。 第二场（比武，荆轲出场） 独白：今天真可谓是阳光明媚啊，话说太子丹在首都设了比武擂台，筛选“天下第一高手”。 时间：公元227年11月1日 地点：首都菜市场 太子丹：他奶奶的，这都一上午了，没个人来，连只蚂蚁也没有，是要晒死本太子

英语搞笑短剧剧本

三打白骨精 Three Times’ Beating Monster 人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空E：猪八戒 J：沙僧 B：白骨精（何平）B1：B变成的村姑B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now? S: Bajie,map! E: (摸出，递给S) S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E） T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls! E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回) T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But…… T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map? E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So. S: Fat Pig! E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will………. S: You will what(凶相)? E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤). S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , boss is hungry,too! T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal! J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看） J: This is…..? S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it! T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power! S: Bye!(走) T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1) B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you? J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough. B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb! T: Bomb?(打出) B1: Double King!