大学英语写作Unit 3

Unit 3 你要说明什么

在前一单元里我们讲了如何使文章紧扣论题，也就是说如何使文章的段落之间有一条主线，这条主线牵引文章的走向．使整

个语篇保持首尾一致。这个能够牢牢把文章的各个部分团结在自

己周围的主线就是文章的中心议题即论题，也就是文章作者要说

明和阐释的问题。

尽管紧扣论题这个道理十分简单，但要真正地自觉做到却并不那么容易。因为我们在写作时思想往往会像脱僵的野马纵横驰

骋，而忘记了自己的写作初衷，有时写的内容会偏离轨道、改变

方向，使文章失去了论题。我们有必要加强这方面的训练，在写

作时养成有意识扣紧论题的习惯。

一般来说，作文偏离论题主要存在几方面的原因。其一，在动笔前没有一个明确的中心议题，而是想到哪儿写到哪儿。

这种写作习惯很可能来自作者本身的懒惰，或者对写作内容没有

想法，大脑空空如也。其二，尽管大脑中已经形成明确的论

题，但是在写作的过程中由于自由联想的缘故，由此及彼联想到

一些与本题目不太相关的话题，于是就开始沿着另一个方向继续

自己的思路。这说明作者对写作过程缺乏必要的把握，不能时时

将自己的写作视线掌握在论题的范围内。本单元的目的在于提醒

读者写作时要不断地审视自己的写作目的，将任何与本议题不相

关的内容删除，使全文紧扣论题。下面让我们读一读一组有关“独

立”的议论文，看看这几位同学在写作过程中是否做到了中心突

出。先看习作7。

Student Essay 7

National Independence

1 In the year 1841, Chinese people began to lose their might of independence gradually. From then on, tens of thousands of Chinese had fought for national independence; many of them even lost their lives. A century later, China

finally won its political independence, and then made a great economic development during the period of less than half of a century. China is now considered as a lion that is opening its eyes to the world.

2 The United States was just the colony of Great Britain several centuries before[ago]. But when Americans won the Independence War, it became a new independent nation in the world. It has made great fortunes[fortune] during The Second World War [the Second World War], and then quickly became the leader of the world economy.

3 Therefore, we can find out from many similar examples in the history that national independence is the precondition of its development. We can see that political independence is the base of the national independence, without political independence, the country is not a complete one.

4 The national independence[By national independence] we meant then were just a political one, because there were still many colonies in the world. Nowadays, along with the world’s economic development, majority countries [most countries] in the world have acquired the political independence. And the complicated international situation has given “Independence” more significance as well. At present, the political independence is not the only focus of the national independence, the independence in the economy and culture is becoming more and more important in this world gradually. Meanwhile, the independent[Independent] economy and culture is playing very important roles in the world peace [are playing a very important role in world peace].

5 In the recent twenty years[In the past twenty years], the United States cracked down on some Western Asian countries in economy. The deed that invaded the independent culture of the Western Asian people aroused many against voices [negative feelings]. The event occurred on September llth, 2001, as we all know, had brought great impact t0 [has brought great impact on] the world economy. It has been thought as a madly attack which the wildness does to the [mad attack] of savage on civilization. But in fact, it was the conflict

between two kinds of cultures. The event is not a sudden accidents [accident], it is the inevitable result of the inconsistency in[confrontations between] different cultures between[on both sides of] the Pacific Ocean. The event should tell The United States [the United States] that the world is coming to [entering] a new period, and independence in other cultures is of necessity. Whoever interferes in others’ own culture and economy will be punished, and he may throw the world system into confusion, or even create wars.

6 It is no denying that the world in the future will be a place where different countries could develop together. The economic exchanges[Economic exchanges] and co-operations between different countries will be more frequent. Then the [an] independent economy and culture are more necessary, especially to us Chinese.

习作7分析

本文的标题显示全篇应该是介绍或谈论有关“民族独立”或“国家独立”的。这时读者所期待读到的是关于某国家挣脱殖民

统治或霸权主义的枷锁而获得民族独立的介绍，其体裁属于说明

文。然而，当读者读完整篇文章后发现作者的目的是想论述民族

独立在国家的经济和文化发展中所处的重要位置，对体裁的处理

应该是议论文而非说明文。这是标题选择上的失误给读者带来的

误解。

按照议论文的写作规则作者应该在文章的开头部分做些背景介绍，接下来就应该提出论题或论点。但是本文的作者没有遵循

写作规范，在文章的开头先是举出两个国家独立的例子，然后在

第三段才提出本文的论题“国家独立是民族发展的前提”。然而即

使这样也没有全面概括本文的论点，因为在接下来的议论中作者

又开始论述经济发展和文化发展在一个国家中所起的作用。这似

乎又将文章开头的写作中心由民族独立转向经济独立和文化独立

上，使文章丧失了论题，变成想到哪里就写到哪里了。由于作者

对自己的观点没有一个清楚的认识，除了标题的选择不贴切外，

段落之间也没有一根主线统领，因此，全文无法做到紧扣论题和

中心突出，并缺乏衔接。

正确的做法应该是在文章的开头就点明论题。假如本篇习作作者确实要论述民族独立是经济和文化独立的先决条件，就应该

在文章的开头写出论题句，如“民族独立是一个国家取得经济和

文化独立的首要条件”。在论证的过程中不管是事例还是常识都应

该围绕这一论题来写。只有这样，读者在文章的开始就知道作者

的中心议题是什么，论述的轨迹又是什么，就会寻着其写作轨迹

来理解内容。

所以，在构思一篇文章时首先应该明确自己的中心议题，然后再决定使用何种论述手段展开段落。否则，文章就会显得杂

乱无章，缺乏中心思想，从而背离作者的初衷和标题显示的内容。Student Essay 8

Be Independent as a College Student

1 When we were children, we were always told to “do one’s own things all by oneself”, and since that time a conception that one should be independent [was] formed in our mind. But what is independence? We must definitude [define] it first.

2 Nowadays, many people think independence only means [that] one can feed himself. In another word [In other words] they think independence is an abbreviation of “economic independence”. Obviously economic capability is an aspect of independence. But is it the only aspect? Suppose there be an infant with a great deal of bequest and there are many servants to look after it. No doubt, the infant has the capability to support itself, but do you think the infant is independent? So obviously independence concludes[contains] something else. I think it is the capability of thinking off one’s own bat [thinking on one’s own] and the maturity of one’ mind that make one really independent. So aim at[aiming at] the content of independence we can conclude how to be independent.

3 Firstly we should try to find some part-time jobs so that we can support ourselves in a measure [to a certain extent]. But now there are many part-time jobs for college students, so we should choose them cautiously. I think we should choose jobs according to our major so that working and studying can boost each other. For example, for a student from computer science, being a tutor is not a bad choice. But it isn’t the best choice, he should choose some jobs related with [relevant to] computer such as programming.

4 Secondly we should learn to think on our own. As a college student, we shouldn’t echo what other says without earnest thinking, and we should see the world though[through] our own eyes. Now though the period when whatever teachers or books say is right has passed, but quite a large part [quite a large number] of students is still affected by media. For example, all the media say that hosting the Olympic Games is good for our country, and most of us just think it is true. But how many people know the real benefits of that? So when we want to come to a conclusion, we must investigate the affairs especially the current affairs first.

5 The last aspect of independence is being mature. Compared with the famous wisdom [saying] “Youth is not a time of life; it is state of mind”, maturity is [does] not only mean age but also means one’s experience expending [expanding] with his age and his ability of controlling himself. So if we want to be mature we should hammer-harden our characters.

6 All in all, independence means one can resolve the problems he may meet, and of course when we are trying to be independent, we must learn to be modest and accept others’ advice.

7 So all the above is my opinion on being independent as a college student.

习作8分析

本文的标题是“做一个独立的大学生”。这个标题包括两点，一是独立，一是做。读者希望看到的是怎样才能做一个独立的大

学生。然而，文章的内容却没有像读者想像的那样在“怎样做”

三个字上下功夫，而是在为“独立”一词进行解释、加以定义。

这样的内容强调了一点，而忽略了另一点。此文没有做到中心内

容与标题完全相符。按照本文的内容标题应该改为“什么是独立

的大学生?”则更加合适。

现在让我们来看作者是如何为“独立”一词定义的。在第二段作者就指出除了人们公认的“经济独立”属于独立概念的一个方向

外，他还提到思想独立和人的成熟两个方面。接着用了三个自然段

(3、4、5) 分别阐释了独立在这三方面的内涵。先让我们来看第

三段。这一段里作者指出参与临时工是获得经济独立的一个来

源。但是作者没有解释为什么打零工可以称作独立，却转而劝告读

者如何挑选适合于自己的临时工作。这又偏离了中心内容。

第四段基本上是紧扣中心议题的。独立思考、不盲目听从别人的意见是思想独立的体现。作者举了“奥运会”为例。多数媒

体谈到举办奥运会时都说它对我们国家有好处。于是人们就跟着

认为举办奥运会确实有好处。但是并不是所有的人都真正知道它

能够给我们带来的利益。

Student Essay 9

Grow Up [Growing Up] To Be Independent

1 Living in the world, we enjoy all the good things the nature [nature] gives us—the beautiful scenery of the countryside, various cultures of different nations, friendship among people, and above all the perfect harmony of the whole world. So since the day when we were born, we were anxious to grow up to gain life experience. And the sense of independence has grown at the same time, because we want to be ourselves to make the world more colorful. But it is a long way to be a real grown-up and independent [an independent person]. What we need is patience and what we should pay is sweat. Not today, but throughout our life.

2 When we were children, our parents tended to get everything ready for us, which makes us feel somewhat of convenience[convenient]; but a sense of

dependence maybe arises [might arise] simultaneously. Anyhow, since the day we were born, we have been longing for standing on our own feet. The anxiety for independence grew stronger and stronger. Finally, we maybe try [may try] to do some housework by ourselves. For example, we could cook a meal, wash the dishes, and clean the house, and so on. Father and Mother would remark highly on our behavior of course. That makes us feel the happiness of having grown up and been independent, quite unaware of the fact that in parents’eyes, we are forever little babies. But anyway, we are learning the sense of responsibility and how to care for others. And of course, this is the most important thing we should learn before we come to be[become] real grown-ups.

3 As time went by, we entered the university. That’s a key period in one’s life, for no one would keep on commenting on our behavior or asks [ask] us to do things that we are unwilling to do. We should be responsible for ourselves. Since we have a lot of spare time, some young students may even find a part-time job and make some money, feeling a sense of economic independence. These working experiences can broaden our horizon indeed. We can understand the society more deeply. Also we can develop our interpersonal skills and increase our self-confidence. This is another important step to independence.

4 When we get physical independent and economic[physically and economically] independent, we have to achieve mental independence too. We should learn that independence doesn’t mean being conceited. Everyone can have his own ideas, because he is independent; at the same time, he shouldn’t reject others’ advice either. At least, he can’t judge that others’ opinions are all wrong without any reasons. We must know that no one can be always right. A real independent person is one who is willing to learn from others.

5 As the old proverb says—“No pains, no gains.” After we have s uffered all the agony and frustrations, we become more mature both in mentality and physiology. We have gotten to know the profound meaning of the word

“independent” [independence], which we have really achieved.

习作9分析

作者从第二段开始试图举例说明为什么成长为独立的人如此困难，但本段的最后两句“But anyway, we are learning the

sense of responsibility and how to care for others．And of course，this is the most important thing we should learn before we come to be real grown-ups.”似乎没有切中要害，而是作了一个不必要的转折，即从儿童时的幼稚想法并不能使一个人真正变得独立转到这是每个人都需要经历的事情。这里的重点有点偏离了论题，是不合适的。

第三段存在同样的问题。如果按照论题句去论述，作者应该解释当我们从儿童长到大学生的时候，要想成为一个独立的

人仍然有许多困难等待着我们。但是作者论述的视角又转移到

这个时期我们应该做什么才可以成为独立的人。因此论述和论

题相去甚远。

第四段论述的是要成为一个独立的人，除了身体的成熟和经济的独立，还要获得精神上的成熟。但是作者没有深入探讨这一问题，而提出要变得精神独立仍要听取别人的建议。这里似乎背离了作者的初衷，犯了和习作8同样的错误。

尽管列举的三个论据中有两个不太成熟，作者在第五段的结论中又回到了开头段的论题上，重申经过了许多痛苦和沮丧，“我们”逐渐变得成熟起来，了解了“独立”的真正含义并取得了独立。这样的结尾是符合写作规范的。

我们知道，进行逻辑论证时有一条需要遵守的规则是，不能在同一时间说某事即对又错。比如当作者的观点是互联网增进了人际关系，就不能同时又说互联网削弱了人际关系。如果这样做了就说明作者本身也不知道究竟自己是持哪种观点，因此论证也就无从入手了。在写议论文时我们尤其要注意，在采取一定立场后就要千方百计找出论据支持这个观点，而不能选用支持其反面观点的论据。这样做不但不合乎逻辑，反而会产生自相矛盾的效

果。这是逻辑学中“矛盾律”的内容。

习作9有地方违背了逻辑学中的矛盾律。例如，作者通篇都在论述如何成为独立的人，而“独立”一词蕴涵的意思就是不依靠他人，凭借自己的力量走完人生之旅。但是第四段里作者在承认独立价值的同时又说我们要听从他人的劝告，这与作者的出发点相去甚远，因此是不可取的。正如前面讲到的那样，中国人在写英语作文时一定要按照英语的思维方式写作，不能语言使用的是英语，思维却仍然是汉语的。毕竟我们来自两种不同的文化，在汉语写作中允许的表达方式并不一定适合于英语写作规则。这正是我们在用英语写作时应该注意的问题。

写作指南

在我们了解了紧扣论题的意义之后，知道我们平时写作时容易跑题这一问题，每当写完初稿最好自己问自己以下几个问题，以检查自己做得如何。

a)我究竟想说明或议论什么问题?

b)我文章的标题能否反映内容?

c)我的论题或论点是什么?

d)文章的中间部分是否各个段落都与论题或论点紧密

相关?

e)论证过程的每个段落是否都有一个中心思想?

f)我是否在每个段落中都使用了主题句?

g)在结论中，我是否重申了自己的论点?

如果你可以每写完一篇英语作文就向自己发问以上的七个问题，相信你一定可以发现文章的缺点，并能够进行及时的修正。

下面让我们读范文3。

Model Essay 3

Individual Freedom and Self-Reliance

M. K. Dates man, J. Crandall, & E. N. Kearny

1 By freedom, Americans mean the desire and the ability of all individuals to control their own destiny without outside interference from the government, a ruling noble class, the church, or any other organized authority. The desire to be free of controls was a basic value of the new nation in 1776, and it has continued to attract immigrants to this country.

2 There is, however, a price to be paid for this individual freedom: self-reliance. Individuals must learn to rely on themselves or risk losing freedom. This means achieving both financial and emotional independence from their parents as early as possible, usually by age 18 or 21. It means that Americans believe they should take care of themselves, solve their own problems, and” stand on their own two feet.” De Tocquevil le observed the Americans’ belief in self-reliance nearly 200 years ago in the1830s:

3 They owe nothing to any man, they expect nothing from any man; they acquire the habit of always considering themselves as standing alone, and they are apt to imagine that their whole destiny is in their own hands.

4 This strong belief in self-reliance continues today as a traditional basic American value. It is perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of the American character to understand, but it is profoundly important. Most Americans believe that they must be self-reliant in order to keep their freedom. If they rely too much on the support of their families or the government or any organization, they may lose some of their freedom to do what they want.

5 If people are dependent, they risk losing freedom as well as the respect of their peers. Even if they are not truly self-reliant, most Americans believe they must at least appear to be so. In order to be in the mainstream of American life—to have power and/or respect—individuals must be seen as self-reliant. Although receiving financial support from charity, family, or the government is allowed, it is never admired. Many people believe that such individuals are setting a bad example, which may weaken the American character as a whole.

6 The sight of beggars on city streets and the plight of the homeless may

inspire sympathy but also concern. Although Americans provide a lot of financial support to people in need through charities or government programs, they expect that help to be short-lived. Eventually, people should take care of themselves.

范文3分析

本文的题目是“个人自由与自力更生”。从题目我们可以看出作者的论题是阐述自由与自力更生之间的关系。在正式议论之前

作者首先进行解题，也就是为全文中两个极其重要的词

(independence，self-reliance)或称关键词定义，让读者在一开始

就明确这两个词的内涵和外延，为接下来的论述做好铺垫。

作者首先使用思辨的方式阐明自由与依靠自己之间的关系。

他们认为要想独立就必须依靠自己，否则自己的命运就由他人控

制，一旦依靠了别人或政府也就无所谓独立了，因为这时候的你

必须借助于他人的帮助而存在了。作者使用的第一个论据是二百

年前De Tocqueville(第三段)对美国人做的评价。那时是美国的

建国初期，依靠自己的价值观已经深入人心。他们从不期待从别

人那里获得帮助，坚信自己可以掌握自己的命运。

作者使用的第二个论据(第四段)是当今的美国人仍然持有传统的价值观念，他们认为依靠自己就可以维护自由，可以做自

己想做的事。如果过多地依靠家庭或政府，人们就会失去个人意

志和自由。因此，自力更生对美国人来说就如同空气和水对生命

一样重要。

作者使用的第三个证据(第五段)是依靠自己和珍惜自由已经成为美国人生活的座右铭。如果一个人依靠他人就会有失去自

由的危险，也会失去同辈的尊敬。因此，多数美国人把依靠自己、

拥有自由看成是享有个人尊严的先决条件。

作者使用的最后一个论据(第六段)来自普通百姓对接受救济的乞丐的态度，进一步印证了依靠自我才是取得个人自由的必

经之路。由于这是一段节选，全文没有结尾。

从全篇引用的证据来看，每个证据都十分切题，都是围绕独立和自力更生来论述的，因此，我们可以说本篇范文逻辑严谨、扣紧论题。是一篇写得相当出色的文章。

小结

本单元里我们接着第二个单元继续探讨了如何使文章紧扣论题的问题。通过分析三篇习作我们发现，同学在写作的过程

中并没有时时想着要扣住中心议题去写，而是凭借自己的直觉想到哪写到哪，因此出现了偏离中心、文不切题的现象。这提醒我们在动笔之前一定要对写作的目的有一个清楚的了解，明确这篇文章的中心议题是什么，我将如何展开议论以说服对方，用什么方法最有效等等。最好的办法是在写作之前先列出一个提纲，将要点一一排列出来，如每段的中心思想是什么，还要考虑采用什么手段展开段落，哪种方法最能说服对方。这样写出的文章就可以避免下笔千言离题万里的缺点。

这一单元里我们也分析了范文“Individual Freedom and Self- Reliance”。通过分析我们发现本文作者在文章的开头便进行解题，如对题目中的两个关键词给出定义，以使读者阅读时对其内涵有一个明确的了解。这里我们所说的“关键词”指的是与文章论述的主要对象紧密相联的词语。比如本文的标题是个人自由和自力更生，那么这两个词必然是关键词，它们在文章中出现的频率也最高。判断关键词的方法是观察它们在文章中出现的频率。出现频率最高的词可视为关键词。作者阐述的方法使用了定义、常识、引语还有事例，因此读来令人信服。

大学英语作文全

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1. 成功的四个步骤 Four Steps to a Successful Four Steps to a Successful The first time in life? Then grasp your chance with your perfect performance on the dating night, by learning the following principle in heart. Dress properly. While everyone wants to give an impressive debut on the first date, you should avoid wearing something too bizarre to be accepted. If you are still in school, a sportswear can fulfill your purpose. For businessman or grownups, casual clothes are recommended. Never put up your working uniforms,no matter how well you like that Armani suit. It is no work. A few accessories such as a pair of sunglasses or silver loops on the wrist can add up to the romance sphere. Take a bath before dating. And if you like, spray a little perfume, but unless you're sure that he or she likes the smell,don't use ones that are too strong. Watch your manner. You're no prince of the Scotland nor Cinderella in the legend. Proper manners will ensure a lasting relationship while bad ones scare away your sweetheart. And do make sure you do not boast about your fortune, for, not everyone are green addicts. And your way of smiling, or your greatestoath, should neither be "coy" nor "by St. Loy!" after the nun in Chaucer. Be a little sensitive than merely innocent. Do make sure you do not intrude his or her privacy on the first date. For there maybe something deeply concealed within the inner core of every heart, of which the owner doesn't share often with anyone but his intimacy. Finally, wish you good luck. May you get your hearts combined and start a new journey in the miracle of life and love. Stay tuned till a borderline is reached, and keep on through out the whole way. 简评 看来第一次约会真是令人兴奋并紧张期待的。为第一次约会所提出的建议也是仁者见仁、智者见智。王永同学用词简单、结构精炼，读起来节奏快，例如：“Dress Properly....If you are still in school，a sportswear can fulfill your purpose.For businessman Orgrowmups，casual clothes are recommended.”这样的文章结构像是在提醒我们时不我待，要抓住机会，抓紧时间。 2. 我的宿舍生活My Dormitory Life